A Short Backstory on Me: From 230 Pounds and Empty to Finding Purpose in Health and Faith

I need to start by being honest with you: I used to hate myself.

On the outside, everything looked fine. I was the funny guy, always down to hang out, surrounded by friends. People loved hanging out with me. But inside? I felt deeply unfulfilled. There were holes in my heart I didn’t know how to fill, and I’m grateful for God’s grace during that time in my life - grateful that He guided my hand so I didn’t fall into drugs or alcohol to numb the pain.

Instead, I filled those holes with food.

The Gaining Years

I was always a skinny kid growing up. But around 15, I started gaining weight. It was a steady climb over about a year until I hit 230 pounds. I stayed at that weight for a few years.

My routine was garbage. No exercise, eating like crap all the time. My biggest problem was late-night snacking - and it still is something I struggle with. I’d get home from work around 10pm and demolish something like 10 bags of snack-size Cheez-Its, then go straight to bed.

But here’s the truth: it wasn’t about the food. It was a coping mechanism to feel something. I both didn’t respect myself and actively hated myself. The snacking was a way to fill the void, to avoid sitting with the emptiness inside.

Looking back, that entire period of my life was about running. Running from the void inside my heart. Running from having to acknowledge it.

Meeting Maddy

During this time, I met my now-fiancée and soon-to-be wife, Maddy. She pulled me out of the deepest hole I’ve ever been in. She saved me, truly.

We had an amazing year in Arizona together - just a crazy time. We weren’t thinking about the future at all. I’d say it was almost full hedonism, to be honest. I was always hanging out with people, never slow. I moved as fast as I could, still running from the emotions and unfulfillment I truly felt.

The Wake-Up Call

Then it came time to graduate high school. I was 18 at this point, still in full hedonism mode - always hanging out with people, never slowing down.

At some point, I got called into the principal’s office. Beginning of second quarter of my senior year.

“You’re not going to graduate high school.”

The news hit me like a truck. At this point, I had no friends in my grade. I ate lunch alone in the hallways. My only friends were a year younger than me - all people I’m still close with to this day.

I’d basically spent high school at two different schools, just being the class clown and messing around. And now it was all catching up.

I asked what I could do. They said it was basically impossible, but I could potentially make it up through online classes. The catch: I only had a few hours a day at school to work on them, and couldn’t really do them at home.

I still lived that hedonist lifestyle outside of school. But when I was at school? I locked in like crazy. I completed something like 15 online classes in one semester of high school and ended up graduating by sheer luck, basically.

Following Her to Boise

Around this time, Maddy said she was applying to colleges and was thinking about Boise State. I lived in Scottsdale with my mom at the time, and Maddy was basically my whole reason for living. So I decided that I would follow her, no matter where she went.

She got accepted into Boise State. I applied and couldn’t get in.

I still remember my dad calling me and telling me he was disappointed - the rejection letter had come to his house.

I need to say here: I have a great relationship with both my mom and my dad. I’m so grateful for their guidance and forgiveness during this earlier part of my life. They stuck with me through all of it, even when I was at my lowest and making terrible decisions. Their patience and love carried me through.

But I was moving to Boise anyway.

The Job That Changed Everything

Fast forward, and it was time to move out. I decided I’d just go with Maddy. I applied to a few jobs, interviewed at a car dealership to be a salesman. But because of God’s hand (I realized this now), my dad happened to be hiring a Quality Assurance tester at his company, Black Box VR.

It was the lowest level position at the company and paid like it too. I interviewed with the person running that department and got accepted.

I immediately applied for an apartment in the worst part of town - no surprise, got accepted - and moved in and started my work. My parents gave me three months of rent between the two of them as a graduation gift, and I still managed to get into credit card debt because of my lifestyle.

I would work as much as I possibly could - 7am to 6pm every weekday, as much as my boss allowed - to fuel my lifestyle.

I think my dad knows this, but getting me that job at Black Box really changed my life. It lit a fire in me. A passion. A purpose. A reason to live.

This is the beginning of turning my life around.

I’ll have to detail my getting out of debt, my childhood story, and all the work stuff at a different time. But having this will to live made me realize that I needed to turn my whole life around.

The Weight Loss Journey

That’s what started my whole weight loss journey.

At first, it was just tracking calories and eating well - not eating a lot. Then training 3 to 5 times a week at Black Box, playing the VR fitness game. That’s how I lost the weight - from 230 down to 172 pounds.

The Optimization Phase

After losing the weight, that’s when I started on my optimization journey. Out of a place of fear at first, to be honest. I wanted to get all my vitals perfect because I was so scared of dying or having a health issue. I was a hypochondriac.

There are lots of details in here that I will cover in future posts - the small diet changes, the air quality management, the supplement protocols, the training adjustments, all of it. But this optimization phase consumed me for a while.

Finding Jesus

Then I found Jesus. Or really, He found me.

Maddy had this hunger to find a church. I was very reluctant at first because Sundays were my “Lazy Susan Sundays,” as we called them, where I didn’t do anything and just relaxed.

Finally, I gave in. We found Oasis City Church, where we attend now. Maddy got into it far before I did - reading her Bible, really getting into it. She truly ministered me to faith.

I started reading the Bible and knowing who God is, and that really made me want to get deeper into the faith. I then decided to get baptized at Oasis.

My whole family was there. My mom even flew in. It was so special.

The Shift From Fear to Worship

Funny enough, that baptism had a million benefits - and I will detail this later - but it truly kickstarted the next phase of my health journey. It shifted everything from a place of fear to now a place of truly wanting to be the best I can be.

I’m so into supplements and therapies and ancestral health now, but as a way to worship God and to be an example to those around me. Not from a place of being scared of death, but from a place of wanting to glorify God with my body and show others what’s possible.

Where I Am Now

Now we are where we are today. I’ve had my heart transformed by Christ, and I’m taking this first step on the journey of helping others.

My goals:

• Continue being an example of health to others

• Be an example of Christlike living to non-believers

• Bring as many people to the faith as possible

• Focus specifically on my niche that I feel very passionate about: health + Christ, and ancestral/biblical health

But more than anything:

• I want to be a better friend

• I want to get super close with those around me

• I want to be vulnerable and truly others-focused

• I want to be the shoulder people can lean on, bear their weight, and be someone they can open up to about any of their issues, no matter what

I think that last goal stems from being the version of myself earlier in my life who desperately needed that. I needed someone to be real with me, to be vulnerable with me, to carry some of my weight. I didn’t have that. And now I want to be that person for others.

I want to be the deepest friend people have. The one they can actually talk to about the stuff they’re scared to say out loud. The one who won’t judge, who will just listen and care and help carry the load.

And this is my promise to you: I will never share people’s details. I will always be the trusted friend who is always available to listen and help carry whatever anyone needs. Whatever you’re going through, whatever you need to talk about - I’m here. Not just in theory, but in practice. Text me, call me, reach out. I mean it.

What You Can Expect Here

I’ve had tons of struggles. I’m still learning. I really want to build my life into an others-focused life and help others get healthy so they can feel the best they can and serve the Lord the best they can.

On this blog, you can follow along as I share:

• Health-related specific stuff: supplements and therapies, the sciences behind them, my personal experiences with each

• Food and household optimization - everything from nutrition to air quality to sleep protocols

• Biblical and theological content - what I’m learning in my daily study and how it’s changing me

• A mix of all of that and whatever else seems beneficial or the Holy Spirit calls me to share

But most importantly: I plan to really open up the deepest, darkest parts of myself. The struggles. The failures. The things I’m still working through.

I’m not doing this so you can comment on Substack or engage with the blog. I’m doing this so you feel okay opening up to me - in person, over text, on calls. I want to create permission for vulnerability by being vulnerable first.

There are so many more details about my life, my journey, my transformation, the theological discoveries, the health breakthroughs - all of which I’ll share in future posts. I have stories about getting out of debt, about my childhood, about specific health protocols that changed everything, about what baptism actually did for me, about the darkest moments and the brightest breakthroughs.

But I wanted to start here, with the foundation. With who I was, who I’m becoming, and why I’m writing this.

If even one person reads this and it helps them get healthier or know God better, it’s worth it. If even one person feels like they can finally be vulnerable with someone, it’s worth it.

Thanks for being here. I’m glad you’re on this journey with me. I am so excited about what the future holds for me, for you, and for this blog. Love you all!

— Raiden