Soul Food Part 1: The Friends Who Feed You

Recently, my fiancée Maddy was going through something hard. Something that involved other people in her life, and I sat with her in it the best I could. And somewhere in the middle of that — watching her navigate something painful, thinking about who she had around her and who I had around me — a question hit me that I had not fully asked myself before. Who around us is actually feeding our souls? Not just making us feel good in the moment. Not just fun to be around. But actually leaving us more full, more alive, and more fixed on the Lord than before they showed up.

That question would not leave me alone. And the more I sat with it, the more I realized how much I have been given in this season.

What I Did Not Know I Was Missing

I want to be honest with you. I have had great friendships my whole life. I love my secular friends dearly — they are genuinely good people and those friendships have meant a lot to me. But I would come home from those hangouts feeling fine. Do not get me wrong — I had a great time while I was with them. But once I was home and the night was over, I felt no different than when I left.

That used to feel normal to me. I did not know there was another option.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” — Proverbs 27:17

I read that verse and nodded at it for years. Then I actually felt it, and realized I had never truly experienced it before.

Now when I come home from my Christian friendships, I am a better man. A better partner. A better employee. A better dog dad. And more than any of that — I am more fixated on the Lord than I was before I walked in the door. That energy carries into everything. It is not a coincidence and it is not personality. It is the Holy Spirit, and you can feel the difference the moment you are in the room with it.

The Power of Christ-like Friendship

I want to pause here and talk about a close friend of mine, Joe. I am going to be fully honest, because I think that is what this post deserves and frankly what Joe deserves too.

Outside of Maddy, my relationship with Joe is probably the most important relationship in my life right now. That is not something I say to be dramatic. It is just true, and I think the world would be a better place if we said true things like that out loud more often instead of assuming the people we love already know.

Joe and I are recently close. We did not grow up together. We did not go to school together or play sports together or share any of the history that most people point to when they explain a close friendship. But something happened between us that I have never quite experienced before, and I think that is because it was not built on any of that — it was built on the Holy Spirit. And that foundation moves differently than anything else.

What I can tell you is that Joe and I are almost eerily similar. The things we care about, the way we think, the things God has put on our hearts — there are too many similarities and too many serendipities for me to see this friendship as anything other than God ordained. I do not fully know the reason yet. But I trust that it is for something bigger than the two of us, and that is enough for me. That is what it looks like to trust God’s plan even when you cannot see the whole picture.

I have been more vulnerable with Joe than I have with almost anyone other than Maddy. I have put things on the table with him that I carried quietly for years — things I was too guarded or too proud or too afraid to say out loud to someone else. And every single time, he has met me there without flinching. No judgment. No distance. Just presence. That kind of safety is rare, and I do not take it for granted for a single second.

Every time we hang out, we end up talking about Christ. Neither of us engineers it. It just goes there naturally, because that is what is alive in both of us. And I leave those conversations hungry — genuinely lusting after the Lord in a way that follows me home and into my week. My fire gets stoked. His presence feels close. I drive away wanting more of God, and I think that is the single greatest thing one person can do for another.

Joe, I want you to know that you have shown me what a friendship can actually be. Before our friendship, I realize I never knew what a true, Christ centered friendship looks like, now I do. You have made me a better man, a better partner, and a closer follower of Christ just by being who you are. The safety I feel with you, the way our conversations always find their way back to the Lord, the way I leave every single hangout hungrier for God than when I arrived — that is not something I take lightly and it is not something I will ever stop being grateful for. I am thankful God put you in my life, and I mean that with everything I have.

I genuinely do not know what God has planned for this friendship, but I am so excited to find out. I pray that He continues to deepen what He started between us and that we keep pushing each other closer to Him.

His wife Maya deserves her own moment here too. Maya has a way of saying something quietly that I end up sitting with for days. She has convicted me and genuinely changed how I think and act in ways I did not always see coming. I am grateful for her voice in my life more than she probably knows.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” — Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

The Larger Family

Beyond Joe and Maya, I have been blessed to become part of a friend group that carries the same Spirit. Our hangouts are genuinely fun — there is real laughter, real life, real community. But underneath all of it is something I have never had in a group before: the certainty that we are all pointed the same direction.

Nobody in that group is going to pull me somewhere I should not go. Nobody is going to make me feel weird for talking about God or bringing up something I read in Scripture. Instead, we grow each other. We push each other. We have had real, productive disagreements that led somewhere good. I have walked away from those conversations with genuine conviction — the kind that changes behavior, not just makes you feel temporarily uncomfortable.

That is what a community of believers is supposed to look like. Not perfect people, and not people who have it all figured out. But people who are seriously after the same thing.

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another.” — Hebrews 10:24-25

The Supernatural Difference

I want to come back to my secular friendships for a second, because I do not want this to read as me dismissing them. I love those people. Those friendships are real and they matter to me.

But the depth is not the same. And here is the thing — it cannot be the same, because the Holy Spirit is the source of the connection I am describing, and that connection requires the Spirit to be present in both people.

“Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character.” — 1 Corinthians 15:33

That verse is usually quoted as a warning, and it is. But the flip side is just as true — good company builds good character. Christlike company builds Christlike character. It is not something you manufacture. It is something you steward by choosing carefully who you let feed your soul.

I know the connection I have with Joe and with this group is supernatural because I have never felt it any other way. It is not explainable by compatibility or shared interests. It is the Holy Spirit recognizing Himself in someone else, and that is a completely different category of human relationship.

The Fear Underneath the Gratitude

I want to be honest about something uncomfortable: I carry anxiety about losing these friendships.

I have always had a fear of loss — it shows up in a lot of areas of my life. But with these friendships it takes a specific shape. It is not really a fear of them choosing to leave. It is more a fear of not being the person they need, or of life circumstances pulling us apart the way life sometimes does. That thought genuinely sits heavy on me sometimes. These people — alongside Maddy and my work — are the most important thing I have. That is a real sentence. I mean it.

But I have learned to let that fear point me somewhere useful. Because if losing something scares you that much, it usually means you have finally found something worth protecting. And that is exactly what I have.

So Who Is Feeding Yours?

I am not writing this to make you feel bad about your friendships. I am writing this because I spent years not knowing this was possible, and if there is someone reading this who feels that quiet emptiness after every hangout — full in the moment but no more spiritually alive than before — I want you to know that there is another kind.

Seek out people who make you lust after the Lord. People who make Christ the natural center of every conversation without even trying. People who convict you and sharpen you and send you home wanting more of God.

And when you find them — show up as your full self. Not a guarded version of you. Not the version of you that holds back because you are afraid of being too much. If God ordained the friendship, He ordained it for all of you. Lean into that.

If you have them, tell them what they mean to you. Do not assume they know.

If you do not have them yet, start asking God for them. He answers that prayer. I know because I did not have it, and now I do, and I will never stop being grateful for it.

“The righteous choose their friends carefully.” — Proverbs 12:26